Last night we went to dinner at a friends house. It was actually the "play date" that Dave set up for us! It was a nice dinner party...and we ate a lot of homemade yummy food!
But we had a break through....well, Dave had one.
Both of the couples are having babies. Andrea is 18 weeks pregnant, and Jenna is 16 weeks pregnant. They both had bellies, they both talked about the kicking and moving of the babies, they both talked about what they wanted to have, they both talked about not doing the first trimester screening (which is what caused us to have the amnio, which showed us our babies disorder), they both talked about names, they both talked about the nursery....really....they are both so excited that they are starting their families that they talked about it!
I do not blame them for being so excited! I was so happy to be pregnant and start our family, and told everyone and anyone that would listen.
BUT on the way home, Dave realized that his "play date" might have actually made me very sad. He looked at me and said: "I am sorry that you are not pregnant, that you are not having a baby next month, and I don't want you to be so sad".
This was a huge breakthrough. Because I didn't say anything, he was the one who brought it up! It wasn't me....it was him! I also realized that he too is sad, and hurting from this. He just does not show it at all. And that made me feel even worse! I have been selfish. He married a dud. I am a dud. I can not give him a baby, and who knows if I can ever give him one. And he has only ever wanted a large family.
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No!
ReplyDeleteBeing IF does not make you a dud.
You are a strong, smart woman and I just know you are going to make a great mummy one day.
I KNOW IT!
Big hugs to you sweets.
x
Sass
Please don't think of yourself as a dud. I know its hard to realize that we can't make the one person who matters most to us as happy as we feel they deserve to be but this is not your fault!!! If anything he's married one of the strongest woman there are out there. Look how much you've gone through and your still standing!
ReplyDeleteHi there! Me again!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel! It's one thing to want a baby. And it's a totally different thing when you want a baby and every woman you meet or see walking down the street has a baby bump!
While I was TTC it seemed like everyone I saw was having a baby but me!
But don't worry, I am sure it will happen for you guys. Just be patient! God is making a perfect little angel to send your way but remember that perfection takes time!
http://www.thewannabewahm.com
I've found men just don't express this stuff as we do. I've gone through this in my marriage and now in my current relationship. After my miscarriage, I felt as though he didn't "get" me. I often feel that my boyfriend doesn't get AT ALL how I feel about the fact that I'll likely never have a baby. He is 44 and his daughter is 9 and he's not sure he wants to go through all that again. I'm not sure either...but sometimes I just break down and he has no idea what to do. I don't think a man will ever comprehend what all of this feels like for a woman, period. It's something biological inside us...it's the way we're programmed. But on top of that I don't think they ever quite have the parenthood experience a woman does either. There's something about that child growing inside you that bonds the child to you in a way he/she doesn't bond with the dad.
ReplyDeleteListen here missy.. you are NOT a dud.
ReplyDeleteDon't even get started with non-sense like that. That breaks my heart that you even think that way.
I am so glad that he saw that these things make you sad - you obviously needed to have that conversation. These things make us stronger and that's exactly what is happening to you guys as a couple.
If you want to talk about a dud - the version that S is getting of me is a dud. I can't physically carry children, I was diagnosed with MS a few years ago.... you and me and can just play the pity party together okay?! *Hugs*
You will get through this, you will carry his children and you will be a strong, wonderful, amazing mother! And Dave a caring, patient and loving father!! muah!
Oh goodness, I know I'm a stranger but you're not a dud. I have no idea why you can't have a baby. It doesn't even matter. If children are of interest to you, there are about a million other things you can do...become a teacher, volunteer at a women's shelter, foster parent, go into child psychology. There are just so many ways to make a difference in a childs life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your email...sending you hugs.
ReplyDeleteAudreyO just wrote exactly what I was thinking. You'll get through this.
ReplyDeleteHugs! I honestly still feel like this. I'm not quite sure when or if I'll ever fully identify with your average pregnant lady.
ReplyDeleteYou will be pregnant again. And everything will work out. It just has to, right?
Here for you!
(((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to these feelings. I've said to Josh before that I should leave him so that he has the chance to start over with someone who can give him a baby. He, of course, tells me I'm crazy and he only wants to be with me, but I still have that lingering feeling, ya know?