MERRRRRYYYYYY....wait..it's not Christmas yet

Dave and I have been very excited for the Holidays!


We had everyone (I mean 12ish people) in his immediate family over yesterday..plus my dad and his fiance (who he will never marry) for our first Thanksgiving Dinner.

It went off...without a hitch....not so much! As soon as Dave's dad walked in *the first guests to arrive were his mom, dad and grandmother* he dropped the dessert. His mom made a truffle...layered with ...

That is where I wrote to....that is where I tried to continue from at least four or five times. I am just not in the mood to finish .... I will tell you that the desserts were fine, the family was fine, Dave was anxious, and welll....everything was fine.

I bought Dave a tv for Christmas, a tv in which he is convinced that there is something wrong with the sound and now wants to bring back. And he can not find the receipt, but that is my fault.

I made an appt with the NEW RE...from the same Boston Hospital, but they are going to be at a different hospital near my house....so I do not have to drive down to Boston....I can literally drive 15 minutes from my door and be there! The RE is there every Thursday and one other day...but Thursdays will work for us. SO we have an appointment on the 21st for a consultation, and hopefully starting on Clomid (they also have me on a cancellation list, so I may be in sooner).

But that is it. Sorry about not posting, and being in a bad mood. I just hate when I get yelled at for things that I didn't do.

OH and don't even get me started with people at my school. Lets just say "SUCK IT UP" and if you need to be a child....and act like a child....GET OUT OF LAW SCHOOL....that is all....

Living Beyond Their Means

I have a friend who has been living beyond her means. And I do not care generally if someone does that...except this friend will complain to me that she is a. unhappy in her relationship with her husband b. complain that they have no money c. complain about medical bills for their daughter d. did I mention she will complain...

So what happens? She gets a BRAND new car from her husband. This will be great for the short end of things. She is unhappy with her marriage, so her husband does what he usually does...buys her whatever she wants. She has no money....but just bought a new car. And she has a daughter that has medical bills, etc...where she should be spending the money instead of the new car.

Again, I am happy that she is happy. But I am not happy that I will hear how unhappy she will be soon. Things do not make people happy. I am sorry....but they don't!

Not Me Monday.....

WELCOME to my FIRST Not Me! Monday! Post!

This is a blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
I have NOT been acting like a rock star...pulling all nighters to watch NEWMOON....I have not spent MORE money then I should have....to go see the movie twice and have a girls night!

I have NOT been frustrated with friends for blowing me off. I mean, I don't mind if you don't want to hang out....but can you let me know so I make other plans? Seriously? It is just common courtesy! It is not like I really needed plans for Friday night...but if you need to break them....PLEASE GOD let me know....so I know NOT to wait around!

I have NOT been feeling anxious about babies....it is not like I have been subjecting myself to pregnant people....or two....or everyone I know that is pregnant. I did NOT get jealous that the two preggos (that I always invite together, not separately) made plans that did not include me....awesome.....

I have NOT been feeling conflicted with the whole pregnancy thing. I do want a baby. I do want to have a family. But I am so worried about everything. I know I was on a "break" from trying in Aug,Sept,Oct....but now we have been trying without fertility drugs....and if AF doesn't show the first week of December....then we obviously have to test! BUT is it wrong NOT to feel conflicted? UGHHH....it is such a tough subject for so many...

I have NOT been getting ready for my Thanksgiving Dinner @ my own house....I have NOT spent tons of money at Wal-Mart and Target to make sure that everything is perfect....and I did NOT invited 15 people....

FEW....that was a lot of "Nots"....I hope you enjoyed! I can't wait to read everyone else's NOT ME posts!! OH and I won an AWARD! :) I will post about it tomorrow! I now have to go and NOT study for my LawSchool Finals....DAMN finals!

NEW MOON x2 (here we go again)

Today is Saturday....and I slept. YES... I slept through my review for Property.....amazing....I went to bed at 10pm...and woke up at 8:45....I blame this on going to see New Moon at 3am....damn me for being 24 and unable to pull an "all nighter"....some girls at the show were talking about how they left the bars and came to the theatre....fun fun....ahhh to be 21 again...and not have responsibilities....wait...I DID...I WAS MARRIED AND HAD A MORTGAGE at 21! LOL!

BUT in other news...I created a car ride CD filled with Miley, Britney, LadyGAGA and a few others to listen to in the car while we drive to our Twilight/New Moon party!

I get to see it again!!!! BUT....only 2 of my friends are actually as excited as me (and one came with me for the 3am showing!)....sooo we shall see!!

Enjoy your Saturdays!!!

Exhausted

AHHHHHHH YESSS....NEW MOON........

I am so happy that I went to the movies...
but I am so exhausted...
AND I get to do it all again tomorrow!!
YEAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was so Corny, and funny, and I loveeeeeeeeeeed it!!
I can not wait to read all of these books again.....

DAMN YOU LAW SCHOOL FINALS....

Here is a picture of me and my friend with our "excited" faces!

Dreams.....Really.....WTF

So I have been having the weirdest dreams! Seriously! I am a married women. Married and happy. No fighting, no arguing....PLUS we are getting a lot of you know what due to the fact that we are trying to make a baby (well...every other day type of deal...that is what the RE said to do)....BUT I keep having these dreams...w

I am usually 17ish and usually at a party. A high school party. I usually didn't go to parties...I was too busy with my boyfriend, friends, sports, etc. BUT here I am at a party, and I run into a bunch of people I know (in real life I have no idea who they are, I can not recognize any of them)...and I am single. Dave is there...and basically tells all the of the guys that I am his...And I "led" on someone in the dream...without meaning to! WICKED STRANGE HUH? I never even knew Dave until I was in college! AND did I also mention that I had a seriously boyfriend while I was in high school?

Can anyone help me interpret this dream? I woke up this morning feeling bad! I even told Dave about it! I led someone on! LOL!

IN OTHER NEWS...#twilightposse....today is the day....well, I should say....tomorrow morning VERY early...I will get to see NEW MOON!!! SAWWEEEETT!

NEWWWWW MOOOON!!!!!!!!!

So...I am a huge fan... AND I am going to a party on Saturday night to see the first "Twilight" movie, and THEN off to the movies to see "New Moon". BUT I talked a friend into going TOMORROW...for opening night....well Friday AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So those are TWO tickets already purchased for Friday and Saturday!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!

Twitter

Are you all on my twitter??? Am I following all of you?? Well....I made my private...for certain reasons....but if you would like to be my friend JUST ask...and I will add you...AND I love to follow other people...and do the @ reply thing ALL day long with my phone! :)

JUST click here to find me!

a BIG THANKS...

I wanted to write and thank all of you who commented on my last post. As most of you know, I struggle with IF...and those of you who have been through this can understand where I am coming from....and the other ladies I appreciate the caring comments!

I spoke to Dave about my last post...and he thought I was insane! He actually told me that he wants to keep me forever...baby or no baby.

It has been a tough road, but hey...I HAVE PROZAC to take a problems away! I was just kidding.... (even though I LOVE my crazy pills!!)

Yesterday we hung around the house, spent money at Wal-Mart on things that we don't particularly need...and just spent time together....we also received some mail this weekend....from a local Christian organization...with domestic adoption information. It is something that we are considering (that and fostering). I will keep you updated on all of it...but for now...I am just looking for the best organization to go with...if you know of any great ones PLEASE let me know....

Break Through

Last night we went to dinner at a friends house. It was actually the "play date" that Dave set up for us! It was a nice dinner party...and we ate a lot of homemade yummy food!

But we had a break through....well, Dave had one.

Both of the couples are having babies. Andrea is 18 weeks pregnant, and Jenna is 16 weeks pregnant. They both had bellies, they both talked about the kicking and moving of the babies, they both talked about what they wanted to have, they both talked about not doing the first trimester screening (which is what caused us to have the amnio, which showed us our babies disorder), they both talked about names, they both talked about the nursery....really....they are both so excited that they are starting their families that they talked about it!

I do not blame them for being so excited! I was so happy to be pregnant and start our family, and told everyone and anyone that would listen.

BUT on the way home, Dave realized that his "play date" might have actually made me very sad. He looked at me and said: "I am sorry that you are not pregnant, that you are not having a baby next month, and I don't want you to be so sad".

This was a huge breakthrough. Because I didn't say anything, he was the one who brought it up! It wasn't me....it was him! I also realized that he too is sad, and hurting from this. He just does not show it at all. And that made me feel even worse! I have been selfish. He married a dud. I am a dud. I can not give him a baby, and who knows if I can ever give him one. And he has only ever wanted a large family.

A little more

I have been struggling with a lot lately. Don't get me wrong. I am happy where I am. I am finally going forward in my life.

I am 24, happily married, doing well in my first semester in law school. BUT I still feel like I am missing out on so much.

Yesterday I visited with a freind who had a baby last January. I was due last January. I asked her about her daughters birthday party, etc and she then asked me some really though questions. I never have been asked how I am doing, really doing. And well, I am not good. She asked if I think about the baby, and all I could say was yes, every day...all day.

She said that it must be hard to go and be there and hold her baby, but I told the truth. It wasn't that bad. That her baby is not my baby. It is hers. And I told her that it is good for me to move forward in life. But I ocassionally look back. She asked me if I kept all my pictures (sonograms), and I told her the truth, yes, I still have them all. They are in a box in the closet of the room that was supposed to be decorated as a nursery right now. I still have the album on my facebook as well, I just can not bring myself to delete the pictures. If I could just hit delete and have the hurt go away I would. But it is still here.

Even when I am watching a movie.."UP" for instance....I was with a few people and their children watching the movie. The first scenes show the life of the couple....growing old together. And they loose a baby. It was as if I was the elephant in the room. They all looked at me, and didn't know what to say, think or do.

So yes, I am reminded every day. When I get on the scale and see that I am loosing so much weight, I think...wow...I would be sooo much heavier if I was 8 months pregnant. My life would be so much different right now. And I honestly can say that I would be so much happier. December would bring happiness, not sadness. I honestly can say that on the 21st, I will be a wreck...a complete and total wreck. I was so proud of myself last year in January...but I think it is because I never got to see/hear/meet the baby. I did however see/feel/hear my last baby...and I am still heartbroken.

I have new goals, and I am looking forward to them. But like I said...it's hard to not look back and wish that things were different, that things turned out differently.

TOMORROW

Is weigh in day.....and I definitely ate three pieces of pizza and three mozzarella sticks tonight for dinner....WHY did I do that??

I have all my flex points, so I am not that unhappy....but if this messes up my weight watchers weigh in...I will be a little pe'od with myself....UGH....

ALSO tomorrow is Friday....you would think that I would be happy about it?! NOPE...that means that the next day is Saturday...and I have to be at school by the crack ass of dawn to get my study on....FINALS are three weeks away...this means my first semester of Law School will be over...and hopefully I pass my classes to get into the next semester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEK!

SO...have a good day tomorrow if I don't get to comment/post.....and WISH me luck!

Playdates..

My husband has been planning play dates for me...basically he wants me to make new friends...so he is setting up times for me to hangout with wives of the men he works with!!!

I don't mind being friends with these ladies...but it is just sooooo strange to be "set up" on play dates...I am not 7...I am 24!!!!

Has your so done anything like this????

Found YOU!

I found a lot of you yesterday!! I have wanted to comment on all your post, but there are a lot of posts I have to catch up on!!! But I will be commenting soon!!!!

I am sooo happy that SO many of you have found out that you are pregnant!!! I am so happy!!!! :)

As for Dave and I, we have decided to just let it happen. Since my weight loss, my anovulation has changed. I have had 2 normal cycles!! So, no fertility drugs for a while, well, we meet with our RE in January, so we shall see!! BUT wish us luck for this month!!

I am realllly glad to be back!!!!

Weight Watchers WORKS for Me!

I have lost 18lbs since September. And I have done so by using WW! Yes...I have been eating healthy for the past few months....and I am so proud of myself! WAHOO!!! Friday is my weigh in day..and I hope to loose at least seven more pounds in the next seven weeks! We leave for our vacation then....and I will not be that unhappy if I don't loose that weight...I would LOVE to though!

A NEW Friend

So for those who don't know me...I have a few good friends, a lot of friend friends and a lot of people I am just very nice to!

So we had people over this weekend, Daves friends from work and their wives! I met one already, her name is Andrea...and we get along just fine. And I JUST met Jenna. She is really nice, sarcastic, and well...sassy (like me)!

So I feel strange blogging about it, but I am excited! Lol! A new friend!!! She invited us over for dinner at her and her husbands place Saturday...and we're going to go!

Soooo that's it! I made a friend, and I am excited! LOL! Wish me luck!!!!

And...the blogging can finally begin

So my life has been crazy...as most of you know...and I have decided that I needed to release all of this in a blog...and I have missed my old blog...SO I need to find all my favorites again...and I hope they can re-find me!