A little more

I have been struggling with a lot lately. Don't get me wrong. I am happy where I am. I am finally going forward in my life.

I am 24, happily married, doing well in my first semester in law school. BUT I still feel like I am missing out on so much.

Yesterday I visited with a freind who had a baby last January. I was due last January. I asked her about her daughters birthday party, etc and she then asked me some really though questions. I never have been asked how I am doing, really doing. And well, I am not good. She asked if I think about the baby, and all I could say was yes, every day...all day.

She said that it must be hard to go and be there and hold her baby, but I told the truth. It wasn't that bad. That her baby is not my baby. It is hers. And I told her that it is good for me to move forward in life. But I ocassionally look back. She asked me if I kept all my pictures (sonograms), and I told her the truth, yes, I still have them all. They are in a box in the closet of the room that was supposed to be decorated as a nursery right now. I still have the album on my facebook as well, I just can not bring myself to delete the pictures. If I could just hit delete and have the hurt go away I would. But it is still here.

Even when I am watching a movie.."UP" for instance....I was with a few people and their children watching the movie. The first scenes show the life of the couple....growing old together. And they loose a baby. It was as if I was the elephant in the room. They all looked at me, and didn't know what to say, think or do.

So yes, I am reminded every day. When I get on the scale and see that I am loosing so much weight, I think...wow...I would be sooo much heavier if I was 8 months pregnant. My life would be so much different right now. And I honestly can say that I would be so much happier. December would bring happiness, not sadness. I honestly can say that on the 21st, I will be a wreck...a complete and total wreck. I was so proud of myself last year in January...but I think it is because I never got to see/hear/meet the baby. I did however see/feel/hear my last baby...and I am still heartbroken.

I have new goals, and I am looking forward to them. But like I said...it's hard to not look back and wish that things were different, that things turned out differently.

TOMORROW

Is weigh in day.....and I definitely ate three pieces of pizza and three mozzarella sticks tonight for dinner....WHY did I do that??

I have all my flex points, so I am not that unhappy....but if this messes up my weight watchers weigh in...I will be a little pe'od with myself....UGH....

ALSO tomorrow is Friday....you would think that I would be happy about it?! NOPE...that means that the next day is Saturday...and I have to be at school by the crack ass of dawn to get my study on....FINALS are three weeks away...this means my first semester of Law School will be over...and hopefully I pass my classes to get into the next semester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEK!

SO...have a good day tomorrow if I don't get to comment/post.....and WISH me luck!

Playdates..

My husband has been planning play dates for me...basically he wants me to make new friends...so he is setting up times for me to hangout with wives of the men he works with!!!

I don't mind being friends with these ladies...but it is just sooooo strange to be "set up" on play dates...I am not 7...I am 24!!!!

Has your so done anything like this????

Found YOU!

I found a lot of you yesterday!! I have wanted to comment on all your post, but there are a lot of posts I have to catch up on!!! But I will be commenting soon!!!!

I am sooo happy that SO many of you have found out that you are pregnant!!! I am so happy!!!! :)

As for Dave and I, we have decided to just let it happen. Since my weight loss, my anovulation has changed. I have had 2 normal cycles!! So, no fertility drugs for a while, well, we meet with our RE in January, so we shall see!! BUT wish us luck for this month!!

I am realllly glad to be back!!!!

Weight Watchers WORKS for Me!

I have lost 18lbs since September. And I have done so by using WW! Yes...I have been eating healthy for the past few months....and I am so proud of myself! WAHOO!!! Friday is my weigh in day..and I hope to loose at least seven more pounds in the next seven weeks! We leave for our vacation then....and I will not be that unhappy if I don't loose that weight...I would LOVE to though!

A NEW Friend

So for those who don't know me...I have a few good friends, a lot of friend friends and a lot of people I am just very nice to!

So we had people over this weekend, Daves friends from work and their wives! I met one already, her name is Andrea...and we get along just fine. And I JUST met Jenna. She is really nice, sarcastic, and well...sassy (like me)!

So I feel strange blogging about it, but I am excited! Lol! A new friend!!! She invited us over for dinner at her and her husbands place Saturday...and we're going to go!

Soooo that's it! I made a friend, and I am excited! LOL! Wish me luck!!!!

And...the blogging can finally begin

So my life has been crazy...as most of you know...and I have decided that I needed to release all of this in a blog...and I have missed my old blog...SO I need to find all my favorites again...and I hope they can re-find me!